Latter Day Sinner

I have received to the best of my knowledge direct commandments for my life from the Holy Ghost. One of them is to know my worth so that I can teach others theirs. I am unfortunately probably not a good judge of my own character. Many decades ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I told the psychiatrist, “Sometimes I feel like shit and sometimes I feel like ‘Shit, I’m Jesus Christ.’” That remains a defining moment in my history and one that I have yet to overcome. I am not shit. I may feel like shit sometimes but that does not nor at least should not define me. I am also not Jesus Christ. There are occasional arguments in the back of my head that the reason this is true is because I’m actually better than Christ. But believing I’m God’s gift to the world is still a sign of the bipolar. So I struggle to feel my life has value when I come down from my delusions of grandeur. To begin with is the absolutely true belief that my sphere of influence is exceptionally small on a human scale. The second which is again an absolutely true belief is that the human scale is also exceptionally small. I am a very little fish in a very little pond. That tempts me to think that instead of having a small worth I have no worth at all. I can fight that one in my head fairly well but my heart is harder to convince. I want judgement: Fair and accurate judgement. I want to be treated with the sort of objective assessment that most people fear more than pain and death. And when I have been judged fairly I wish to judge others with the same objectivity that has been shown to me. I want to know my worth and I want you my fearless reader to know yours too.