Latter Day Sinner

I can entertain myself on my own. I played board games and card games by myself as a child. Granted someone had to produce those things in the first place. The same is true for videos and video games. Once they are up and running I can entertain myself without extra work from the original creators. Sometimes I get a bonus from an update in the game or get interested in a video series. I don’t mean to diminish the creators of those things. I am merely being honest with myself that by and large they don’t have to have more than a sliver of investment in my needs to do what they do. In a very real sense my pleasure or not about what I consume are my own business and responsibility.

This is a widespread phenomenon. Americans are very insular. We consume our pleasures in private more and more these days. Perhaps that is for the best. The complaint that society is becoming atomized is one that I don’t share. I agree that it is happening, but I think it’s a good thing. Human beings are in the end unique and individual. Our species started out in small groups and only bustled into cities as agriculture made it possible to feed huge populations all in one place. Agriculture is a good thing. We need to do everything we can to adequately feed every single person on the planet. We are moving in that direction steadily. But there is a deeper need for the kind of autonomy that large cities rob people of. We at our genetic core long for the freedom of our hunter gatherer ancestors. Our current atomization is in my opinion just a natural expression of that and a course correction back to it.

But we are also social animals. Where we are able to find pleasure on our own with minimal input, we also crave intimacy that can only come from others. We need at least a few deep connections to feel whole. We need the sight and sound and touch of another human being in all its challenging and glorious messiness. You won’t find that at concerts, bars, restaurants or stores. Those are just private pleasures in public spaces. Real intimacy is in sharing one’s life with another and with others. I love my wife and children. I crave intimacy with them. I want that experience multiplied. I can entertain myself but I want more people in my life to be intimate with because I cannot do that on my own.