I like to remind myself that everything “down there” works because in some ways I’m not much of a man in other ways. I’m weak. Maybe I always have been and am only becoming reconciled with it now. When I was living on my own I had a friend who said I seemed weak. I yelled at her which I didn’t realize at the time actually proved her point. I’m getting older and fatter with every word I type here. I can’t sleep without psych meds. If I tried to spend my life behind a steering wheel like so many around me do, my life wouldn’t last very long. But I don’t want pity. I want judgement. I want people in my life that know I am telling the truth and not trying to sugarcoat it because it might hurt my feelings. If my feelings get hurt they deserve to be hurt because I am weak.
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Latter Day Sinner 
3 responses to “Weak”
You want to be judged for your proclaimed weakness?
I judge for projecting your ideas about weakness onto your son and judging him weak for expressing his feelings freely.
I judge you for mistaking emotion for weakness and intellect for self-regulation and calling your lapses in judgment weakness.
I judge you for trying to rationalize away emotion with suppressive judgments disguised as rational thought.
Do you find this helpful?
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That is absolutely helpful. I think we are a little too close for this to be completely objective. But this is exactly what I crave in life. I sang at state against talent checklists. There is nothing like the feeling of beating one of those. Nobody got hurt for me to win a gold and the only thing that got hurt when I won a silver was my pride. I want to be able to look at my character sheet so I can consider how to play the game of life after dumping too many points in intelligence.
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Nobody is objective. Nobody can be objective. That’s why judgments are flawed.
There is no scorecard. There is no checklist. You are not a character. This is not a game. You are a mortal being making finite choices with eternal consequences.
Not knowing is pretty much the only rule that we know. It’s where everyone starts. Nobody knows nothing. Then, we discover and we learn.
Judging who has gotten farther misses the point. Until you level up, you’re just eating your own tail. Whether it is a circle or a spiral depends on when you learn the lesson.
Your lessons are unique to you. Your spiral is unique to you. You are the only one you can progress, but only to the degree that you are willing to change.
What you seek is criticism, but what you need is inspiration and the courage to express yourself in ways that others’ judgment is made tangible and substantive.
Instead of shaming our son for not pursuing his art with your intellect, trying pouring your heart into your art and letting people react to what you share?
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