I’m thinking today about a conversation I had in my twenties. A close friend asked if I believed in myself. I told her that I believed in God. Not satisfied with my answer she repeated the question. She did not think believing in God and believing in myself was mutually exclusive. I think I believe in myself much more at this point in my life and remain fairly convinced that believing in God is mutually exclusive with that. God is calling me back, trying to get me to focus on a simple foundational testimony, but it might mean believing less in myself and more in Him. I haven’t had a vision in months, but I don’t think God will remain silent in my life like He tended to be when I just went through the motions of honoring Him. But if my visions are true, the divinity that is calling me is not even a “Him.” Impersonal and unmanifest is becoming personal and manifest in my life. And only I can decide what to do with that. Maybe the lesson is that believing in God and believing in myself aren’t actually mutually exclusive. Maybe I am called to magnify the divine here and now as I am. Maybe…
12 September 2023
Latter Day Sinner 