Latter Day Sinner

It’s a straightforward question, but I’m coming to the conclusion that I don’t. I respect him, there are still things that I can learn from him, and I sometimes even fear his ultimate judgement. And yet I don’t love him the way most people say they do. He has I am told payed the debts of my sins. I was not consulted. It already happened and I need to be grateful for it or else. The Atonement I am told is a free gift that I can accept or if don’t Christ’s suffering for is wasted. I am to recrucify him by burdening him with my sins. He already took them and I should love him for paying my debt. I should wipe his feet with my tears in gratitude. The older I get the less I want to do that and the more presumptuous it seems that he suffered for me without me asking. So what about you, do you love Jesus?