Why do I want her to stay?
Stephanie says we are divorced and that the marriage we had is not worth fighting for. She asked me why I want her to stay. There are certainly selfish reasons. I appreciate her womanhood, but that’s objectifying. I appreciate her familiarity but that has been dying of late. I honestly believed for a very long time that she needed me, but she aims to prove that she doesn’t. So what’s left? What will save a marriage of 28 years? Is it even worth saving or am I just being selfish? I don’t think either one of us will be better off without the other. She aims to test that. Can I make it in the world without her? Probably. Do I want to make it without her? Not really but again what I want is just being selfish. I’m giving it to God. I don’t think He approves of throwing away a marriage because of a bad fight. I don’t want to fight against her but she doesn’t want to fight for me. More selfishness. The children will suffer if we divorce. That is at least a practical concern. I can’t take care of them by myself as well as we can together. People get divorced when the children are grown all the time. But two of our children will need a caretaker 24/7 for the rest of their lives. I choose to stay. I choose to be present for them. Does she have to do the same? Of course not. She can walk away. She is convinced that walking away from me doesn’t involve walking away from them in any degree. I don’t think that is true, but I will not use the children’s welfare against her. Ultimately she wants me to prove that I love her. Only actions can do that. I have to set her free and if she doesn’t return then… “she was never really mine.” But she has never really been mine to begin with. All my selfish reasons for her to stay don’t change that.
Latter Day Sinner 