Latter Day Sinner

I have a meditation tape that is just titled Abundance. It asks me to visualize what I want to have in more abundance. Financial security is what I’ve been answering to myself lately. But it also asks harder questions. What qualities do I need for the kind of abundance I desire and what qualities do I think that abundance will give me that I don’t have now? The guide tries to fill in some of those answers with typical American stuff like happiness and freedom, but most of the stuff I wanted when I got the tape doesn’t appeal to me any longer. I have been as free as I ever need to be to set appropriate boundaries in that regard. I am relatively happy but it is a side effect of being fairly certain my life has meaning. In my twenties I wished for an abundance of sex. It is painfully clear that I can’t handle one woman. I am not destined to be the object of affection for an abundance of women. That just doesn’t make sense at this point in my life.

So I ponder what qualities I want to have to produce abundance and what qualities I believe having abundance will give me. I know I need to be more frugal for instance. That is the path to financial security. But what do I get out of that? Yesterday I typed about the illusion of security. Money and things won’t last forever, and sustaining money and things is a product of continuous work. Perhaps I just want more endurance.

I’m told that the highest degrees of glory come to those who endure to the end. If I ask for an abundance of endurance will that eventually bring me an abundance of glory? On the surface that sounds very appealing. I’m not sure the universe works that way but sometimes I think it is worth a shot. So I guess I’ll meditate on an abundance of frugality for an abundance of security and an abundance of endurance for an abundance of glory.

Anyway, I copied the cassette tape onto MP3 so maybe I’ll still be able to listen to its meditation exercise another thirty years from now if I’m still enduring.