Over the years and especially in the 80s and 90s I learned a lot of breakup songs. I just finished listening to Niel Diamond and Barbara Streisand sing “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers.” It brought tears to my eyes. This divorce is only the third real breakup in my life.
The first was Delia. We had a whirlwind romance. We made love all day about three or four days a week for about two or three months. And then it was over. Nothing was there anymore. She just stopped visiting. A few months later she came but I promised myself I wouldn’t take advantage of her. We sat together in the quiet for a few hours. She left and I never saw her again.
And then there was Kim. Kim and I weren’t quite as passionate and much more familial. I had a rule that I had to date someone for six months before I would consider proposing. After about five and a half months I bought a ring on a credit card. She had a teenage son at the time and he was disrespectful. In retrospect I was just another asshole boyfriend who had only been in his life for five and a half months. He was out past curfew and I tossed him into the apartment. I yelled in Kim’s face about it and she yelled back, “Don’t touch me.” She was several months pregnant at the time and I wasn’t sure I was the father. So she broke up with me and we didn’t speak to each other again until the child support hearing since my paternity had been confirmed to 99.86%.
I had just met Stephanie and we were falling in love. Kim was jealous and wanted me back. I let them fight over me but they both eventually insisted that I had to make a choice. I hadn’t been dating Stephanie for six months so I wasn’t ready to propose. I was in love with both of them and couldn’t decide. Then Stephanie proposed to me and I accepted.
Stephanie and I were married but moved back to my hometown so I could be near my son with Kim. I did my best to co-parent with Kim, and had three more sons with Stephanie. She and I faced autism diagnoses of all three of our boys together. We lived through a foreclosure. We occasionally argued but I didn’t think much of it. Then a few months ago we were yelling in each other’s faces. I told her to shut up. She said divorce and I repeated the word. Her version is different but the incident turned into divorce proceedings.
She will never bring me flowers again.
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