Latter Day Sinner

As a child I labored under the illusion that I was smart and that was all I needed to be. I hung out with adults, I read above my grade level, and I was good at most tests. But I didn’t apply myself much to anything. When smart was actually enough I did well. When I was exposed to the least bit of an expectation of effort I did not do well. The illusion was shattered in the US Army and at Reed College. Smart was not nearly close to enough in the Army, and everyone at Reed was smart and usually a lot more motivated than I was. I failed out of the army and college and came back to my hometown. I started drinking and doing drugs to compensate for my inadequacies. I’m currently off drugs and alcohol but at the tail end of a failed relationship. I’m trying to turn back to God. He is smarter than I am and doesn’t get tired like I do. Perhaps this is enough for now.