Category: rant
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Wearing My Food
I am a sloppy eater. That hasn’t always been the case. In my grey period I read a book that said if every person wasted one grain of rice that waste could have fed a small village for years. I didn’t want to let a crumb food go to waste. I certainly didn’t like throwing…
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Restricted
A friend of mine on Facebook posted a picture of a neighborhood with modular homes with a bunch of depressing stuff people would think about there. He ended the post with “at least there’s no drugs.” I answered I would definitely have to do drugs there. My comment was removed immediately and my appeal was…
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He’s technically my boss
Stephanie and I are in a peculiar situation. Alex and Ben are technically our employers. Lutheran Social Services manages the plans, and Premier is in charge of timesheets, but the boys are officially who we are both responsible to and for. So if you ever want to complain about your boss remember that mine says…
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My Mental Health
I saw my therapist today. We had lots to talk about. I missed my last appointment because the SUV was not functioning. I told him that January was a long year. I try to prioritize my mental health. But I also sometimes want to be a god king. Fortunately I’m lousy at the latter rather…
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Executive Functioning
I don’t have great executive functioning. I struggle with organizing things in my space. I’ve played too many video games that all look like urban sprawl. My room looks like urban sprawl. But my trouble organizing people is far more significant. I remember listening to a book on a cassette tape where the author said…
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Wrong Room
I miss being the smartest guy in the room. I try to have adult conversations but I just can’t. I’m not a rational man and I’m finding it harder to pretend I am. And why should I pretend? Why can I give myself the grace that I would give to anyone on antipsychotics. I want…
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Uncomfortable
I have developed an obnoxious problem. I am uncomfortable when I try to sleep. My back hurts when I’m laying in bed. My reflux gets worse the longer I sleep. It takes a few minutes to get up for everything to settle down, but if I am standing up or sitting up straight and especially…
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Machzu
When I was five or six our family had a dog. I don’t remember the dog’s actual name. I remember my mom yelling “Machzu” at it. I was vaguely aware that it was supposed to be German. I am convinced that she was butchering “Mach deinen mund zu” which translates as “Shut up.” the dog’s…
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Body Machine
It’s been a long day. The boys woke me up early. I did my chores. I’m blowing right on schedule. When all the garbage and recycling was out I locked the door and turned off the light. Then I got into my jammies. I’ve watched some YouTube today while Ben was out. I chatted on…
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Life with Autism
I have four sons. They are all adults now. The oldest is from a woman I never married. When she got pregnant she asked about an abortion and I gave her a fast and firm no. She broke off the relationship but kept the child. We have over the years mostly been civil. Brandon is…
Latter Day Sinner 